Story and Grief

Every organization goes through loss. Every congregation grieves. People pass away, move away, or simply stop coming. Programs end, events stop drawing people and fizzle out, pastors leave, other leaders transition. Our lives are constantly changing, even when we stand still. No matter the change; whether we frame it as positive or negative, something is lost. In change there is grief, this can be in the loss of a dream or in the ending of something precious; it can be in simply realizing that things have changed. It is the hard work of the leaders in an organization to lead through these griefs, enabling organizations to find a new footing, a new normal, a new way of being.

One of the most effective tools in naming, processing, and moving forward through grief is in storytelling. Stories remind us of who we are, who we have been, and who we believe we are becoming. Stories can help to inform us of our values, beliefs, passions, and to find new energy. As a leader, you can gather stories as a means of understanding not just the events that have happened but the meaning made from those stories and their deeper impact on the organization and those who are members of it. 

Two women sitting at a table with a cup on a saucer, listening to someone else speak.

Gathering people to tell stories, listening well and framing the meaning of those stories are tools that we as leaders can use to understand how it is that we got where we are and where it is that God may be calling us in the future. Telling stories is also a healthy expression of both emotion and memory and can help individuals in their grief as well. As a leader, your role is not to direct the stories but to hear them well, to listen not only to the details of the event or the persons involved but to meaning being attached to the loss, the deeper understanding of who you are as a people. 

I (Edie) am transitioning out of the congregation I serve; in announcing my departure to the leaders of the church, the stories that emerged of our time together were a profound example of how stories inform our meaning making, our mental models, our assumptions, and even our attitudes. The pastor leaving can be a story of joy: look how far we have come together, look at the ministry and legacy, the hard work we have done. The pastor leaving can be a story of pain: we are losing someone we care for deeply, we have been abandoned, we have to go through yet another pastor search. The pastor leaving can be a story of hope and curiosity: what will God do with us in this next chapter? All of these meanings can swirl around the organization as grief is experienced. These possible meanings can have deep impact on what happens next, stories can inform these meanings. Telling stories is a way of integrating our thinking with our feeling, our meaning making with our mental models. Stories can teach us a lot. 

We at CLC have a tool for storytelling, a way of gathering people, asking good questions, and listening without judgment and seeking to hear the meanings beneath the words. Be in touch or check out our Webinar on Working through Communal Loss During Change.