It may seem counterintuitive but in order to pursue change, you need to be able to reflect without judgment on the way things currently are. This isn’t to say that you won’t evaluate something and find that it no longer belongs or that it isn’t working. What we mean is that it is best to remove judging from the process.
Why?
First, when judging, we often fall into binary thinking and give things a starting value: either something is good (doesn’t need to change) or it’s bad (needs to change). This can lead to compromising on whether change really needs to happen, or what kind of change is necessary.
Second, when we are judged or are judging, it is quite easy for our shame voice to be activated. Shame lies to us about what is true about God, ourselves, and others. Shame shuts down connectivity with others as well as our ability to think and live with creativity. When we are motivated and act out of shame, we are trying to escape discomfort. It is impossible to discover what it means to flourish when we are guided (or guide others) to change by shame.
Third, in our society, judgments often function as a final word; if you’re trying to start a change process, how can that be a positive starting point? Negative judgments can get us stuck in hopelessness: feeling like it doesn’t matter what we do. Positive judgments can make us complacent, leading to stagnation and boredom. A positive appraisal can also puff up our pride, and when we are too puffed up with pride we are not able to work with others to find out how our information is incomplete or discover what we’re missing out on.
Instead, try observing.
As you gather information and reflect on your own, with God and others, work on stating things as neutrally as possible, without adding value qualifiers. Ask others to try to look objectively with you because they will likely see things that you didn’t.
Why engage in this process with others?
Because they will be able to speak truths that you missed.
Because they will be able to hear you say a judgment when you think you’re saying a fact.
Bonus: this might help you find out what your shame voice sounds like.
Because when it’s time to look and reflect on all of the information before you, having more people answer the question, “Why is this so?” will help you discern the real issues that need to be addressed in order for deep and lasting change to occur.
Making the shift from judging to observing is just one of the skills we use in Churches Learning Change, but it’s a big one. We often hear from church leaders that being able to distinguish between a judgment and an observation (or to quiet their shame voices) is essential for discovering God’s Design. If you’d like to learn more, be in touch!
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